Thursday, July 24, 2014

Tackling Leaks and Selling the Dream

Amy: Girls, they are going to be here in half an hour.  I need you to tidy up the cockpit.
Indy: Who?
Amy: Those people... Dave's friends. Like we talked about at breakfast? It doesn't matter. Just tidy up.
Indy & Stylish: Okay, Mom.
Papillon: Hee hee hee.
Amy: Why are you laughing?  Let's see, I need to cut up some baguette--
Papillon: I have a surprise for you.
Amy: What? No. No surprises. I have an unknown quantity of Kiwis arriving in thirty minutes.  I have to finish getting ready.
Amy: What is that dripping noise?
Papillon: Chortle!
Amy: Girls! I need to take the companionway stairs off.  Don't come down this... girls?
[Looks outside. The girls are playing with friends on the dock.]
Amy: Stylish and Indy! Get this cockpit tidied!  And don't come down the... never mind.
[Puts in boards to avoid a fall. Removes stairs. Removes floorboard. Locates drip with a flashlight.]
Amy: Why is it dripping there? The water isn't running.  The sump pump is off.  Everything is off.
[Removes two more floorboards. Sticks head into bilge.]
Amy: Okay, it is coming from somewhere forward on the port side. Hmm. I did laundry earlier; maybe the hose leaked.
[Checks laundry locker. Dry as a bone.]
Amy: Let's try the galley.
[Removes galley floorboard. A small river is running aft.]
Amy. Aha.  By which I mean, unprintable.
[Looks at the salon.  Removing the port side floorboard necessitates removing two other floorboards first and judicious use of a shim.]
Amy: [balancing the six-foot board]  There we go.  And let's see what we UNPRINTABLE!
[Runs aft. Empties out the locker under the navigation desk. Opens seacock. Changes bilge valves to forward bilge. Turns on bilge.]
Amy: Those floorboards were almost floating!
Papillon: Tee hee! I told you I had a fun surprise! Watch your toes - you're right beside the bilge pump.
Amy: So what is leaking?
Papillon: Uh uh! That would be telling.
[Glances at the clock.  Guests are due in five minutes.]
Amy: Unprintabley unprintable.
Papillon: Tsk, tsk. Your kids are going to pick up that language, you know.
Amy: Quiet, you.
[Bilge pump finishes. Turns off switch. Sticks head down forward bilge.]
Amy: Well, wherever it is, it is a slow leak. Nothing is rushing in. I can leave this for an hour.
Papillon: Can you?
Amy: Yes, I unprintably well can!
Papillon: Ha ha ha! We'll see! You can't ignore me for lo-ong!
[Replaces companionway stairs.]
Indy: Mom, some people are here.  Why are the floorboards up?
[Enters the cockpit. Notices the girls have 'tidied' by shoving everything in a corner. Picks up the mess and throws it down the back hatch.]
Amy: [Smoothing hair and emerging on deck] Hello! Welcome. Sorry about that. I've just been dealing with a small leak.
[Guests look nervously at one another.  Amy notices how very clean they all look.]
Amy: But don't let that stop you! Ha ha! Please, come in.
[Guests settle in the cockpit. Amy gets drinks and snacks, while keeping up witty banter.]
Amy: ...Oh, no. Leaks and mechanical issues happen all the time on a boat. It's nothing to worry about.
Amy: ...Our worst injury? I suppose when Erik had to stitch up Indy's eyebrow.  What happened was...
Amy: ...No, it's quite safe. Well, yes, I did have a thief aboard a couple of months ago.  I woke up...
Amy: ...Sure I get seasick, but it only lasts for the first four days...
Amy: ...Actually,we've had lots of people stay aboard.  Of course, we usually have floor down. Ha ha ha!
[Guests polish off their beers and escape. Amy pauses to contemplate that she has just convinced six nice people that cruising is only for the certifiably insane.]
Papillon: Oh Aaaaa-myyyyyyyy!
Amy: Yes?
Papillon: You haven't found my leak yet.
Amy: Don't worry, you're next on my list.
Papillon: I can make some more surprises if you like. You didn't have any plans for tomorrow, did you?
Amy: Only with you, baby. Only with you.


Karen said...

Oh my!!! Did you find the leak? Here's hoping Papillon behaves a little better in the future. Take care. Karen

Amy Schaefer said...

The leak turned out to be a hitherto-unknown overflow on one of our water tanks. Which is a good thing. I'll know to watch that bilge now when we refill.

Even years later, we are still learning new things about our boat.

Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha. There is definitely a problem when the boat starts talking.