Saturday, May 11, 2013

Memo to All Crewmembers

To:      All residents of s/v Papillon
From:  Amy Schaefer
CC:     Any interested parties
Date:   May 10, 2013
Re:      Land-Visit Policies and Procedures
It has come to my attention that we are experiencing compliance issues with Boat SOP 57: Completing a Visit To Your Land-based Home.  It is essential that all crewmembers master this procedure.  This memo is intended to review the skills we need to make our land adventures as successful as our sea ones.

Section 2.3.1 states: "Crew may not be ill for any time exceeding 13% of their total visit length."  In a month-long visit, this is equivalent to approximately four days.  My records show that, during the past month, crewmembers have been sick with colds, flu and related symptoms for an average of 12 days per person, or 40% of visit length.  This, unfortunately, underestimates the true scope of the problem; due to overlap, almost 87% of our visit has been spent with one or more crewmembers sick.  This has placed a serious strain on limited resources, in particular Mom's Patience.  Crew are asked to stop getting sick, or risk being put into a bubble for the remainder of the visit.

Crew should keep in mind that we have just as little control over the weather on land as we do at sea.  Management is not responsible for weeks of cold, rainy weather, snow, wind storms, or other natural disasters.  Everyone is hereby reminded of Family Motto #2: You Get What You Get, And You Don't Get Upset.  Except under extreme conditions, crew is welcome to ride their bikes and play in the backyard as usual.

Crewmembers are both welcome and encouraged to tell the people they meet about life aboard and the exiting adventures we have had, but please use moderation.  We neither wish to be: "those people who won't stop talking about their boat," nor do we wish to paint such a glowing picture of our time on Papillon that we leave people in a state of despair about their own lives.  This restraint is especially important during the bad weather mentioned previously.

Similarly, we recognize that we all miss both Papillon and Erik, aka Dad, very much.  However, telling people that Papillon is our "real home" is both confusing to land-dwellers, and violates our Good Manners policy.

General Safety
Just because a house stays still doesn't mean that you can leap off the sofa without getting hurt.  Crew currently living on the hard should keep in mind that leaving the floorboards open at night carries a certain risk when you refuse to turn on the lights on your way to the head, and you have no one to blame but yourself when you have to remount the water pump at 3am.  Further injuries are strongly discouraged.  Please see "bubble" comments above.

We appreciate you taking the time to review our policies.  If we follow these guidelines, we will ensure a successful conclusion to our visit without the need for trips to the ER, OR, or local mental health facility.  Thank you for your cooperation.


Rachel6 said...

So, I came to your blog to gush again about your entry for Janice Hardy's embarrassment contest. I read it to my coworker Tuesday, and we're still chuckling about it!

And then I read your blog entry, discovered you live on a boat (!!), and now I think I have a new favorite blog. I love the Internet!

Amy Schaefer said...

Thanks, @Rachel6! And welcome to the blog. I have to admit, I love the internet, too, when we have it, but it is also nice to go without for a few weeks. Or months.